Sunday, June 20, 2004whee
i'm still at my cousin's. just had lunch. talking to casey about riddick. gah too sci-fi for me. and oh my god extra band practice. on monday. before orchestra. this is so horribe! and i still haven't got the map from ms sim yet. i think she wants to cheat me of my money hehe i mean. 20 + 17 + 13 = 50 right. she gave me 48.80. so wrong. but anyway. i shall be nice. and ask her about it nicely. talking to mich about songs. some wierd group called thursday. heheh. and oh no mep essay. need to hand in at mid term. must start doing. about vietnamese notation or whatnot. and ooh blue has made things interesting. gah i have to post everywhere. for silver and janiria and jenin. heheh.
type type type. i don't know why wen-bin insists on repeating mistakes for a third time. but i don't wanna. let history repeat itself. so if you want. hate me. i don't think that we were meant to be. so enough already. i don't feel myself around you. i always have to be on my guard. and you made it that way. because what i say. might hurt you. i can't joke with you because you might get angry. for all the smallest reasons. i can't joke with other guys. because you get jealous. i can't do a lot of things because of you. and why i'm on my guard. is because. you. practically pounced on me. last year. at the mall. you remember that. don't tell me i was willing. it was so sudden. and i still don't know what i'm supposed to think. about that. you ask me to be myself around you. it's impossible. i can't. it's so wrong. i can't do what i want around you. because you're always suspicious. like of peter. and all the guy friends that i used to have. gerald too. even though i haven't contacted him for almost two years. but back then. you were suspicious of him. why. if you truely loved me. then this shouldn't happen. you should trust me. and if i had dumped you for him. i would have done so earlier. so give me a break. i still dumped you in the end. it just took longer. you always think you're the greatest. well news flash. you're not. you're not perfect. you're not the god you make yourself out to be. so what if mr lim says you're a good boy. every one who can play their parts is good. and too bad you weren't there to see him scold the trumpeters. even though he doesn't raise his voice. i can feel that he's disappointed. and it was because. the trumpeters thought too highly of themselves. and fell when loo kit wasn't around. so watch out. it might happen to you. and then don't expect sympathy from me. because then you deserve it. i don't like your ego. i don't like a lot of things about you. and i don't want to repeat my mistakes. is that so hard to understand? i have other people in mind now. no matter how hopeless it seems. but not you. because. i've tried twice. twice. and i failed. we failed. and i don't want to try again. try to understand that. why not go find someone else? i'm not the one for you. get over it.
the door to my heart is locked. and even though i didn't claim the key from you when i threw you out. i changed the lock.
* s w e e t heart`x @ [[1:05 PM]]