Friday, September 10, 2004


i think many people have forgotten about me. forgotten that i exist. that i've passed through their lives at some point in time. that i was once their friend. and now. i'm just another face in the crowd. they see me come. they see me go. but somehow they don't want to remember. but i don't care really. it's just.. i remember them still. but if i'm to be a shrouded figure in your memories then so be it.

i miss nat. she's having to many problems now.. i hope she's able to manage. i love her. and i don't wanna see her hurt.. but then. like the rest of the people. she's forgotten me.

i'm non-existant. i should accept that already. people don't care who i am. what i do. where i am. blah. tubists are also non-existant in the orchestra. why do i even bother? they don't care. they only look for tubists when there's no one to play the bass trombone/kontrabass/bassoon parts. i am expandable. i don't matter. perhaps if i could accept that part i wouldn't feel so.. unappreciated. but i can't help it. it's the way i am. i don't feel satisfied with 'non-existant'. but still people don't care. don't wanna know. i love band cos that's where i know i'm (almost) always needed. because it's a band. but i prefer orchestras. maybe because the music's nicer. maybe because it's a little more slack than band. but every other song doesn't need tubists. that's a bit too slack for me. at least i get to play other parts sometimes. but you know. it's.. insulting. to see the composer write for tuba and at the bottom put 'optional'. why? because the timpani has those bases covered. then why bother to write for tuba?

unwanted

which is why i wanted to learn the oboe.. but it seems that that dream can't come true. if i could learn i might be able to join the syo or something. because they're looking for oboe players. unfortunately for me i play the tuba.no. there will be no 'oh woe is me'.

unnoticed

i'm not saying i hate the tuba. oh no. i love it. i just feel that people could.. appreciate the instrument more. you don't put optional. maybe in the conductor's score. but it's just plain hurting. it just shouldn't be done.

unwelcome

....whatever you know. i don't care. i'll just live life the way i want to.. and i don't really care if you remember me.

cos all that matters is that i'll remember you.


* s w e e t heart`x @ [[10:16 AM]]